Catch, Chapter 3
Dec. 12th, 2006 07:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cmbranfordMy triumphant return to my writing journal after two months of laziness!
Title: Catch, Chapter 3
Fandom: Yellow
Characters: Goh, Taki
Length: 5614
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.
Summary: Taki and Goh settle down to sleep for the night, but numerous issues plague them both and they can't sleep just yet.
Notes: If you were wondering where In Their Own Words would lead into and/or crossover into this story, the end of this chapter’s for you. Go ahead back and reread Taki’s chapter.
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...
Sleepless
It was late now as Taki lay in bed. Goh was already asleep, turned away and lying on his side. Taki listened to the steady breathing of his lover as he lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, one arm propping his head on the pillow. He was tired, and sleepiness continued to edge in, but there were still things on his mind that he couldn’t let go.
The afternoon had been filled with chores and errands. When Taki got back with the groceries he’d set about making lunch as Goh finished with the laundry and unpacking. There were souvenirs and gifts to give out, but that could wait for another day. Lunch passed without incident and they spent the next few hours cleaning and straightening up two months of dust and disorder in their living space.
Tsunuga came up to see them at around five. Kanji had gone home for the day already, so he had to drop off the case files himself. There weren’t many words exchanged and he left quickly.
Taki had to wonder about that now. There seemed to be some distance between them that hadn’t really been there before. Sure, before, Tsunuga had been a mystery: his motivations and past completely unknown. So, in one way there were walls that had been torn down, but in others there was new awkwardness. Worry nagged at him about the approaching time that he and Tsunuga would have to sit down and talk about it. It would come eventually, and when it did, what could he possibly have to say to the man? “Hey, I’m sorry I tried to kill your daughter,” or, “I’m glad she made it, sorry about your wife,” weren’t exactly on the list of appropriate words for a man he knows has suffered as much as Tsunuga.
And what of Tsunuga? How does he really feel about Taki now that he knows everything? He acts friendly, like there are no hard feelings, but is that really possible? Is he harboring resentment for a man who was there when his wife was murdered? Is it even possible for him to forgive Taki for doing what he did? He’s a father first, after all, and a friend second, and Taki really did try to kill Mari. The fact that she had survived is really incidental. It might alleviate some of the guilt he has for his actions that she survived, and there’s the fact that he had acted under duress, which surely would count in his favor, but even with all of that, guilt by association, particularly the association of his “parents,” would be enough to create a lasting rift between himself and Tsunuga.
Taki sighed and pushed the issue to the back of his mind again. The time for this was coming, but it wasn’t here yet and he was content not to lay more concerns than necessary on his plate at one time. He directed his attention instead to his lover’s sleeping back.
Goh’d gone to bed first. He’d nearly fallen asleep on the couch as Taki worked on the computer, looking up as much as he could find to help them with their new caseload. There wasn’t all that much information that could be found out about criminals, particularly yakuza and the like, on the internet, but he could look up geographic locations and information on “known hangouts” in the files, like clubs and bars. Any details would be helpful for when they went out tomorrow.
When Goh’d started to doze, beer still in hand, Taki'd softly suggested he just go to bed. Goh of course wanted to know when Taki’d be joining him. He wasn’t being his normal playful self though, as his question didn’t have the ring of, “so I can do you,” to it. In fact, he’d been on his very best behavior all day. Taki hoped it was just fatigue and not some lingering discomfort from this morning. They’d tried to force their bodies on the plane to adjust to the time zone difference when they arrived home, but they hadn’t slept much last night and were up and around most of the day. He felt tired, too, of course, but didn’t like leaving work unfinished. Goh seemed to understand and left him in the living room with a light kiss to his temple asking him not to be long. Taki had to smile at his lover’s self-restraint.
It was still more than another hour before he decided that rubbing his eyes and yawning as much as he was now doing were good signs he should stop. He went to his room first, finding it empty. He figured Goh had gone to his own room to undress and collapsed on his bed there. That was fine. He quickly readied himself for bed and toyed with the idea of sleeping separately to not risk waking Goh, but knew that excuse wouldn’t hold up with the other man in the morning.
No, no doubt Goh would more immediately realize the real motivation for Taki’s reluctance to sleep with him tonight. He decided it would probably be easier to hide the fact that something was on his mind by staying close and acting normal.
Light from the window cast shadows on shoulder blades and ribs on Goh’s bare torso, making it easier to distinguish the other man in the dark. There was a pang of guilt in Taki for this deception. Two months of hearing Goh tell him that he had to trust him completely, to open up to him, weighted heavily, but so did the fear that what he was holding back would create unneeded concern for both of them, but particularly discomfort for Goh.
Taki sighed again and shifted his mind for the second time tonight.
Four cases at once. It wasn’t unexpected, and they weren’t tough cases, but two of them needed to be handled in the next day or be lost, and he hated to drop half the workload straight out of the gate. Those two were simple enough, though. One pharmaceutical employee in over his head holding a box of stolen sedatives, probably in his home. If he hadn’t already panicked and tossed them, they were surely hidden poorly somewhere in his bedroom. They’d hit that first tomorrow while he was supposedly at work for the day. The other case was just as simple. Find a drug dealer’s girlfriend who walked off with half a key of heroin. She wasn’t particularly street smart, and there were already reports of her being seen at two clubs in the same neighborhood trying to unload it herself. They had a photo of her and the work he did on the computer tonight narrowed down the locations they’d have to check. The only issue was that the yakuza, whose heroin it originally was, was also close to finding her, so they needed to act quickly.
The third case-- He didn’t want to think about the third case right now.
The last case was a little harder, since they didn’t already know where the guns were. They had some time to find them, though. The file stated the earliest they could be unloaded was in over a week. The prospective buyer was out of the country and wouldn’t be back for another eight days. Well, calling them “guns” was an understatement. They were shoulder-launched missiles; six of them, so it wasn’t like the things were going to be sold off to just anyone. Apparently, they were stolen right off of the SDF base in Ichikawa. The SDF wanted them back without any fuss. The last thing they needed was a scandal about munitions security.
Still, it was another arms case. It’d been a long time since they’d had one; not since...
Taki focused his attention involuntarily to Goh’s side. He couldn’t see the scar in the darkness or with the position the other man was lying in, but he knew it was there. Guilt washed over him and he found himself reaching his arm out to touch his lover’s back.
His mistake. A mistake that almost cost him the life of the only person he had ever loved, and would have taken it long before he was even ready to express that love to the other man. Just a fraction further over and he wouldn’t be lying on this bed right now watching his lover sleep. The thought of it threatened tears in Taki’s eyes.
His fingers had just barely brushed Goh’s lower back when the other man shifted suddenly. Taki took a breath in and his heart nearly stopped when he heard Goh’s voice call his name.
It took him a moment to realize that the voice which spoke was far too disjointed to be addressing him. Sure enough the other man breathed out loudly and settled again. Taki sighed as well and withdrew his arm finally, having kept it still with some ridiculous notion that its movement would catch the other’s attention, exposing his embarrassment at being found not only watching his lover in the dark, but touching him as well.
Of course, no sooner had he let his focus wander away than the other man turned suddenly to lay his arm across Taki’s chest. This was followed by Goh laying his head in the crook of Taki’s arm. He then settled down a second time with a hum that tickled Taki right in the sensitive patch of flesh between his underarm and chest.
Well, this is great. Taki chuckled, looking down at the now still form. Any other person at any other time and he’d have been annoyed at this invasion of his personal space. He’d gently pushed countless women away for daring to touch him in their sleep. Now, though, he tentatively dislodged the arm from under his own head and around Goh’s back to his shoulder, taking care not to wake the other man with the touch.
This seemed to have an effect on the apparently sleeping man because Goh turned his face into Taki’s shoulder, tightening his closed eyes against the skin and his arm around Taki’s waist with another pleased sound. He completed the maneuver by turning yet again and placing a series of heedless, though surprisingly delicate, kisses across Taki’s chest and readjusting his head more completely over him as he laid it back down.
Taki couldn’t contain the laugh that erupted from him, shaking them both. “Even in your sleep,” he mused as he drew his other hand across Goh’s face and into his hair, gripping it perhaps a little tighter than he meant to.
The touch, or maybe the laugh, finally roused Goh with a grumble.
“Taki?” The voice was groggy.
“Oh, you’re finally awake, are you? Or maybe you were faking it all this time,” he whispered back.
Goh picked his head up to face Taki, but his eyes were still clenched shut. He seemed to be trying to process Taki’s words, but failed either because he was too tired, or because he didn’t understand the context.
He finally managed, “How long have you been in bed?”
“Not long.”
“What time is it,” he asked as he turned his head, presumably to look for a clock, or at least to confirm that it was still dark outside.
“Late. Go back to sleep.”
“Mn,” was the incoherent reply. Goh shifted, yawning and pressing closer to Taki.
The yawn must have helped him wake a bit because the next thing out of his mouth was a playful, “When did you get so close?” He emphasized the point by tightening his hold on Taki's waist.
“Around the time you started jumping on me in your sleep.” Taki remained still, but kept his eyes focused on Goh’s reactions.
Goh smiled, seeming very pleased with himself. But a moment later there was a hesitation. Taki could almost see the thoughts as the other man processed his knowledge that Taki didn’t like to be touched in his sleep, but he hadn’t pushed him away either and his arms were even around him now.
Goh looked at Taki more seriously, not saying anything but asking with his eyes if this proximity was really okay.
Taki sighed internally. He hadn’t wanted to create this kind of unsurety in his lover. Part of him, a guilty part, was relieved of the constant barrage of aggressive affection and attention, but another part of him was disquieted at this uncharacteristic display from Goh. Where was the brash, self-assured and totally impulsive man he fell in love with? He felt displaced, particularly as it forced him to make the next move, and being that he had no idea how to respond to this new passiveness, he couldn’t. Instead, they lay there looking at one another in silence.
More awkward silence, like there were words that were supposed to be exchanged right now, but no air on which they could travel. Two drowning souls with nothing between them but their need for one another, pressing against each other as a lifeline.
Goh’s breathing seemed loud, too loud, as if it was drawing more and more ragged as each second ticked by without a response from the other. A building of tension that seemed ready to burst and it caused something in Taki to start. He suddenly became too aware of the feel of Goh’s back under the arm that he realized now was still wrapped around him. A tremor wracked his body and was felt keenly by them both. Goh seemed to look for the reason behind it and Taki found himself looking for it as well. Still, neither spoke, neither moved and neither looked away from the other.
Taki swallowed hard; fearful and expectant and it seemed too much for the other man as he dragged himself forward finally, pushing his face into Taki’s in the darkness, finding his lips and pressing against them. His mouth opened, dragging Taki’s open with it and the passion ignited between them like an explosion: uncontrolled and without reservation.
This was something they could do. A way for them to communicate without the mess of words. Goh knowing that Taki was too uncomfortable with his feelings to express them openly and Taki knowing that Goh was too proud to admit he was scared and needed the assurance that he would not be abandoned; not again. Not ever again.
It was strange. An entire argument begun, fought and ended without words. A rush of emotions from both of them over something that really amounted to nothing more than a touch in the dark between sleeping lovers.
Goh’s weight was fully on Taki now, the restraint brought about by his insecurities abandoned in the face of his desire. Touch that he very consciously denied himself for the better part of the day.
Well, not precisely. He’d stolen a few moments as Taki stood over the stove making dinner tonight. The curry smell had attracted his attention from the case files he was looking over by himself in the living room. He went to investigate what dish Taki was cooking up and couldn’t help himself from wrapping his arms around the other in the too-small kitchen in their apartment. He’d considered for a moment the fact that they hadn’t made love there yet. The room was cramped, having just enough space for two or three bodies to move around as long as they didn’t try opening any cabinets or the refrigerator door. The perfect amount of space, however, to push another man up against a solid surface and have a round or two with; hot and cozy. He’d had to close his eyes against the impulse to do just that.
Taki’d been patient about it, not grumbling or pushing away, but not moving his hands from his task to respond either. Goh’d taken the hint that if he pushed any farther there would be an argument, and he didn’t want that tonight. He wanted to give Taki his space, so he moved away and opened the fridge to get them a couple beers. He’d then opened a cabinet to get dishes as the food looked about ready to serve, pushing his desire to the back of his mind for later.
A healthy exertion of self-control, he told himself, only now it was erupting like the pressure of a shaken can of soda, finally opened. He hoped, however, that this eruption wouldn’t travel all the way down his body just yet. He needed to assert control right now. Not of himself like he had today, but of Taki.
He also hoped that Taki would allow this, and was relieved when he didn’t struggle against it, like he was being swept away with the surging tide of Goh’s need. Instead, Taki tightened his grip on Goh’s shoulder and brought his other hand around the waist that was now pressing harder against his body, his mind racing.
Goh’d said that when he touches Taki it makes him want to have him. Taki’d shrugged it off this morning as more of his sense of humor, but now he knew what he meant. This proximity was too much, yet he couldn’t get enough. He needed more. He realized now that touch was something too intimate for him. He’d needed someone to love in order to justify allowing them this close to him. He needed to trust them like he trusted Goh now. Trust them not to hurt him, lie to him or any number of other terrible betrayals one could enact on another.
Perhaps this was one of the underlying reasons for his reluctance to allow people close most of his life. He’d been a pretty sensitive child, he reminded himself, having long since rejected such a notion as emotional weakness in himself (with varying success). Mizuki’s arms had always comforted him. Until that night that changed his life and set him down the path that eventually led to Goh, of course. But was it really then that Taki had started to push people away? Was it right of him to blame Mizuki for all of the dysfunction in his life? He’d trusted Mizuki and not in the same way he trusted Katsuro. He never let Katsuro get close to him like that. Sure, part of that reason was the fact that Katsuro sometimes hit him, but even then he never felt afraid for his life from the man. There was something unique in his connection to Mizuki back then. A trust that ran deeper than the knowledge that he was safe, that he wouldn’t be harmed or put in danger. Of course, now he knew that trust was completely false, but back then it was a truth.
And perhaps it was unfair of Mizuki to put a sixteen year old boy, with no experience living in the real world, in a position like that. To be forced into a situation in which everything that he thought he had known about his life had just been shattered, forced to take an action that was not of his own will, and then subjected to yet another one.
Did that mean then that Mizuki’s betrayal, twice that night, had been as lasting a pain as it was because of some form of love he had been denying was even possible? That his ultimate rejection was based more on the irreparable shattering of the trust that lay between them over what had happened earlier than in the idea that he was disgusted by the thought of being with another man? Well, now of course, he knew that he really didn’t find it disgusting at all. Not when he trusted someone and loved them as much as he did his partner. But would things have really gone differently if he hadn’t been forced to kill that night and Mizuki had still made a move on him? He’d told Mizuki that the love he had for him had been the love of family and he hadn’t lied, so did it mean that his love could have or would have changed that night under different conditions? Was it mere coincidence or circumstance that decided things like love?
Is that how it happened with Goh, too? The right event, like getting shot or his former partner showing up keying just the right realization at just the right pivotal emotional moment to allow him to recognize that feeling and accept it. Another situation a little later forcing him to finally act desperately, like Goh was acting now.
Goh’s arms had snaked their way around Taki, crushing whatever had been left of the space between them. Bare chest against bare chest in an embrace that refused to end. Their kiss had gone on for a very long time and both were nearly breathless, but completely unwilling to disconnect themselves from one another, even for a moment.
Goh breathed, “Taki,” against the other's lips; the want in the word explicit.
Taki could only moan in response, finally taking a small form of initiative and pushing at the boxers Goh had decided to wear to bed tonight. Really, he’d gone all out to try and make Taki feel more comfortable today, even putting on clothes to sleep in. It was a nice gesture, but right now they were in the way, and the fact that neither man was willing to let go of the other was making it difficult to remove the barrier. Taki, of course, was also wearing shorts, but he always did to bed, he defended to himself in the haze of their embrace. Now they had to struggle with not one, but two articles of clothing to get to each other.
Goh seemed unhampered by it though, as he deftly reached both of the arms that were behind Taki down and lifted himself up very slightly at the waist to allow him to tug the shorts down. Really, Goh was way better at this than Taki could ever remember himself being with women. Taki helped as he could, lifting and angling his legs apart, heels digging into the bed as the garment slid down.
Goh then did the same for himself, pressing heavily against Taki’s chest in place of having his arms around the other. Once both items were around their ankles they returned their arms to one another as they kicked free of the physical barriers at last.
Partners knew how to use teamwork to their advantage, Taki reflected humorously.
Goh wasn’t wasting any time thinking, though, and his fingers were already raking down Taki’s back to his ass, grabbing it forcefully; their mouths never parting for a moment. Taki gasped, drawing in more of Goh’s breath than fresh air, but feeling so much better. He arched up and into Goh at the touch, adding to the intensity of their now naked bodies pressing together.
They were foregoing foreplay tonight it seemed. The gentle touches and ministration of this morning, however rushed and desperate those had been, were abandoned completely now.
Lube, Taki thought absently as Goh’s fingers moved inward. They needed something to use for--
But Goh was ahead of him again, dislodging one of his hands and bringing it to their mouths, intent on slicking his fingers with his own saliva, but finding Taki just as anxious. No, breaking away to look for the bottle was too much time spent apart. They needed to stay together; not to separate for anything, not even for a second.
The hand returned lower and Taki felt the first penetration, wondering what took this so long, why he’d hesitated, having completely forgotten all of the discomfort and soreness from this morning. Forgetting everything that had happened before he had embraced and been embraced by this man; nothing else existed.
Goh’s naked body was against his and it was rubbing with each motion of his arm and it felt so good. Pressing back was almost unbearable and all he could do not to break apart inside and out.
Goh worked quickly, helped along by Taki’s utter willingness. The fingers withdrew, only allowing Taki a moment to think about and wonder how he missed the second one entering before they were replaced with the head of Goh’s erection against his opening.
But now occurred the first hesitation since they’d begun this embrace. Goh pulled away at last, looking down at Taki with desperate eyes.
Taki’s eyes parroted back that desperation.
God, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.
The moment passed and Goh pushed forward, eyes clenched shut and bringing his lips down again in another consuming kiss as he entered Taki finally.
The kiss didn’t last nearly as long this time; other parts connecting them inside in place of tongues. Now that they were joined, now that Goh was inside of him more completely they could relax, edge away from that fear and desperation.
They took the opportunity to breathe heavily against one another. Panting and moaning with each shallow thrust Goh was making, working his way slowly, not pausing until he was fully inside.
The pause was brief. Briefer than the earlier hesitation, and with none of its desperation. Goh used the moment to shift again, placing his arms low on the bed astride Taki’s hips and pulling his face away from the other man.
He needed the leverage. Unlike the majority of his earlier lovers, he and Taki were almost the same height. This meant that in order to make love in this position as effectively as possible, he needed to move away, lower. Their faces wouldn't be level tonight.
Their first time had been different, Goh directing a lot more of his focus to trying not to hurt Taki than pleasuring himself. Since then Taki had become more used to their lovemaking and right now, he was positive, wanting and needing this as fast and as hard as he did.
When he moved again, though, it was to slowly pull out, until the head of his sex was just inside the other. Then he grit his teeth and pushed forward again, hard. Fully in in one stroke and Taki cried out. He didn’t stop to consider if it was in pleasure or pain before he withdrew again to repeat the motion.
Taki grabbed at him, digging nails into Goh’s shoulder. Goh, his own back arched out, laid his head against Taki’s chest and it dragged forward on each inward stroke, sweat slicking its path as they built a rhythm.
Soon Goh’d had to grab onto Taki’s hips, the force and speed of his thrusts too great and needing an anchor. Taki’s fingers were twined in Goh’s hair. He couldn’t stop himself from whimpering and panting against the force of his lover’s movements. The pressure was building and building and neither man knew if he could hold out much longer.
Taki reached down and grabbed himself finally. He needed to increase his own gratification and was unwilling to allow Goh to adjust his position at all to do it. He touched himself desperately and found he became even more aroused when he noticed Goh watching him do it. One hand in the other's hair holding his attention, and the other on himself.
This was intense. It was amazing and Goh wondered why it felt so different from usual. Much of it was the same imperative from this morning, so why? Was it the force of his thrusts or the position they were lying in? He continued to wonder as he pounded harder and faster, approaching his climax. Wondered until he realized what they’d forgotten. What was sitting on the nightstand next to them, still lying in its wrapper.
Shit. Taki didn’t like it when they--
But it was too late. Goh reached his limit, Taki joining him with a series of wracking shudders, and he came violently, a cry escaping him as he bore in deeper. His release quaked through him and into Taki without barriers.
“Taki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he gasped out as he tried not to collapse onto the other man.
“What,” Taki started to ask until realization hit him at what Goh seemed so concerned about. He felt the wetness inside, hot and looking for an opportunity to release already.
Goh’s voice sounded desperate suddenly. “I know you don’t like it when we--”
“It’s okay,” Taki breathed quickly, pulling the other man closer. Really, it was. It didn’t bother him nearly as much as Goh seemed to think. Most of his problem was with the mess; not exactly with the mess itself (actually, he'd guiltily admit to himself, he liked the mess, quite a bit), but the inconvenience of clean-up, particularly at times and in places where this was hampered (like in public). There were, of course, concerns about the numbers of partners they'd both obviously been with since either man had last been checked out, but they’d talk about it later.
Right now was far too good to get ruined with worry, and really, if they weren’t clean he didn’t care. If Goh gave him something they’d have it together. Live together, die together. Taki sighed at his irrational logic. He really shouldn’t think such irresponsible things.
Goh seemed to be coming to the same conclusions himself and they reached for each other in one last passionate kiss and hard embrace before finally, finally, collapsing to catch their breaths.
It was several minutes before anything happened again. The kiss and the embrace now a memory in the ache of muscles and the cold aftereffect of sweat.
“Feel better now,” Taki asked when they had finally separated enough to look each other in the eye again.
“Mn.” Taki took the noise to be an affirmation.
He brought his hand up to run through the hair on the side of Goh’s head. “Then go to sleep.”
There was silence for a moment, but it wasn’t to last.
“Hey, Taki?”
“Hm?”
“What do women talk about in bed?”
“How do you manage to come up with the most random things to ask about?”
“Is it really so random?” Goh propped his head up to rest his chin on Taki’s chest, looking at him intently.
“In the context of what we were just doing?” Taki looked back lazily, sleep finally trying to take hold of him.
“I was just wondering. You don’t seem very good at this. I thought you would be, with all that practice.”
“Talking to women?” Taki smiled.
“Yeah. Don’t they want to talk in bed?” Goh rested his elbow on the mattress and raised his head to lean against his open palm.
“I guess. What’s your point?”
“I wanted to know what they talk about.” He raised his other arm up to rub gently against the skin in a spot on Taki’s chest.
“Why?” Taki yawned. Why was Goh trying to keep him awake?
“Curious,” Goh said as he dipped down to kiss the same spot.
Taki grabbed the back of his head, threading his fingers through the other’s hair again. This was mostly to serve as a warning about where things like that lead, but Goh didn’t seem particularly interested in pushing any issue and stopped after the one kiss. Instead he looked back up at the other, waiting for his answer.
Taki sighed, resigning himself to this conversation. “Lots of things, I guess. I don’t know. I was never a very good listener. Usually, I was trying to think of a way to get them to go away.”
“That’s awful.” Goh did his best imitation of disgusted, but it came off as more an amused, “That’s so like you,” than anything else.
Taki smiled back, knowingly. “Oh, and you never did that with men?”
“Hey, I’m a romantic guy.”
“Yeah, you are,” Taki responded, using the arm that had fallen to the other’s shoulder to pull him in for a kiss. He broke the moment, however, by adding, “But I bet you only listened to them so you could do them a few more times.”
“You’re so mean, Taki,” Goh whined.
They grinned at each other. A silence stretched out again, but it didn’t hold any of the tension of earlier.
Goh leaned down one more time to kiss Taki, his features softening. Before he pulled away he whispered, “Thank you.”
“For what?” Taki looked quizzical, but Goh had already laid his head back down.
“Tonight,” was the finally sleepy response.
Taki started to let himself be taken by that same feeling. “Well then, thank you.”
“For what?”
“...This life.”
Goh breathed out. Whatever was left of his tension that night went with it. He shifted one last time, settling in where he had been when he’d woken up: an arm around Taki’s waist and his head on Taki’s chest. Taki embraced him as he had earlier in return.
"Is it really okay?"
"Yes."
“I love you, Taki.”
The last word seemed to trail off, reminding Taki of the first time he heard it tonight. Reminding him and making him wonder if the similarities in it between the sleeping Goh, before waking up, and the waking Goh, falling asleep, meant something or not. Was there something else in Goh’s desperation tonight aside from his mistake in not reacting to the man’s insecurities about waking up in his arms? Was Goh hiding something from him like he was?
Taki didn’t really have any time to ponder these new questions too deeply. He slipped into unconsciousness, reminding himself briefly about work tomorrow and the other things he needed to take care of. He didn't know if Goh set the alarm, and he really didn't care. They could sleep in a little.
Title: Catch, Chapter 3
Fandom: Yellow
Characters: Goh, Taki
Length: 5614
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.
Summary: Taki and Goh settle down to sleep for the night, but numerous issues plague them both and they can't sleep just yet.
Notes: If you were wondering where In Their Own Words would lead into and/or crossover into this story, the end of this chapter’s for you. Go ahead back and reread Taki’s chapter.
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...
Sleepless
It was late now as Taki lay in bed. Goh was already asleep, turned away and lying on his side. Taki listened to the steady breathing of his lover as he lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, one arm propping his head on the pillow. He was tired, and sleepiness continued to edge in, but there were still things on his mind that he couldn’t let go.
The afternoon had been filled with chores and errands. When Taki got back with the groceries he’d set about making lunch as Goh finished with the laundry and unpacking. There were souvenirs and gifts to give out, but that could wait for another day. Lunch passed without incident and they spent the next few hours cleaning and straightening up two months of dust and disorder in their living space.
Tsunuga came up to see them at around five. Kanji had gone home for the day already, so he had to drop off the case files himself. There weren’t many words exchanged and he left quickly.
Taki had to wonder about that now. There seemed to be some distance between them that hadn’t really been there before. Sure, before, Tsunuga had been a mystery: his motivations and past completely unknown. So, in one way there were walls that had been torn down, but in others there was new awkwardness. Worry nagged at him about the approaching time that he and Tsunuga would have to sit down and talk about it. It would come eventually, and when it did, what could he possibly have to say to the man? “Hey, I’m sorry I tried to kill your daughter,” or, “I’m glad she made it, sorry about your wife,” weren’t exactly on the list of appropriate words for a man he knows has suffered as much as Tsunuga.
And what of Tsunuga? How does he really feel about Taki now that he knows everything? He acts friendly, like there are no hard feelings, but is that really possible? Is he harboring resentment for a man who was there when his wife was murdered? Is it even possible for him to forgive Taki for doing what he did? He’s a father first, after all, and a friend second, and Taki really did try to kill Mari. The fact that she had survived is really incidental. It might alleviate some of the guilt he has for his actions that she survived, and there’s the fact that he had acted under duress, which surely would count in his favor, but even with all of that, guilt by association, particularly the association of his “parents,” would be enough to create a lasting rift between himself and Tsunuga.
Taki sighed and pushed the issue to the back of his mind again. The time for this was coming, but it wasn’t here yet and he was content not to lay more concerns than necessary on his plate at one time. He directed his attention instead to his lover’s sleeping back.
Goh’d gone to bed first. He’d nearly fallen asleep on the couch as Taki worked on the computer, looking up as much as he could find to help them with their new caseload. There wasn’t all that much information that could be found out about criminals, particularly yakuza and the like, on the internet, but he could look up geographic locations and information on “known hangouts” in the files, like clubs and bars. Any details would be helpful for when they went out tomorrow.
When Goh’d started to doze, beer still in hand, Taki'd softly suggested he just go to bed. Goh of course wanted to know when Taki’d be joining him. He wasn’t being his normal playful self though, as his question didn’t have the ring of, “so I can do you,” to it. In fact, he’d been on his very best behavior all day. Taki hoped it was just fatigue and not some lingering discomfort from this morning. They’d tried to force their bodies on the plane to adjust to the time zone difference when they arrived home, but they hadn’t slept much last night and were up and around most of the day. He felt tired, too, of course, but didn’t like leaving work unfinished. Goh seemed to understand and left him in the living room with a light kiss to his temple asking him not to be long. Taki had to smile at his lover’s self-restraint.
It was still more than another hour before he decided that rubbing his eyes and yawning as much as he was now doing were good signs he should stop. He went to his room first, finding it empty. He figured Goh had gone to his own room to undress and collapsed on his bed there. That was fine. He quickly readied himself for bed and toyed with the idea of sleeping separately to not risk waking Goh, but knew that excuse wouldn’t hold up with the other man in the morning.
No, no doubt Goh would more immediately realize the real motivation for Taki’s reluctance to sleep with him tonight. He decided it would probably be easier to hide the fact that something was on his mind by staying close and acting normal.
Light from the window cast shadows on shoulder blades and ribs on Goh’s bare torso, making it easier to distinguish the other man in the dark. There was a pang of guilt in Taki for this deception. Two months of hearing Goh tell him that he had to trust him completely, to open up to him, weighted heavily, but so did the fear that what he was holding back would create unneeded concern for both of them, but particularly discomfort for Goh.
Taki sighed again and shifted his mind for the second time tonight.
Four cases at once. It wasn’t unexpected, and they weren’t tough cases, but two of them needed to be handled in the next day or be lost, and he hated to drop half the workload straight out of the gate. Those two were simple enough, though. One pharmaceutical employee in over his head holding a box of stolen sedatives, probably in his home. If he hadn’t already panicked and tossed them, they were surely hidden poorly somewhere in his bedroom. They’d hit that first tomorrow while he was supposedly at work for the day. The other case was just as simple. Find a drug dealer’s girlfriend who walked off with half a key of heroin. She wasn’t particularly street smart, and there were already reports of her being seen at two clubs in the same neighborhood trying to unload it herself. They had a photo of her and the work he did on the computer tonight narrowed down the locations they’d have to check. The only issue was that the yakuza, whose heroin it originally was, was also close to finding her, so they needed to act quickly.
The third case-- He didn’t want to think about the third case right now.
The last case was a little harder, since they didn’t already know where the guns were. They had some time to find them, though. The file stated the earliest they could be unloaded was in over a week. The prospective buyer was out of the country and wouldn’t be back for another eight days. Well, calling them “guns” was an understatement. They were shoulder-launched missiles; six of them, so it wasn’t like the things were going to be sold off to just anyone. Apparently, they were stolen right off of the SDF base in Ichikawa. The SDF wanted them back without any fuss. The last thing they needed was a scandal about munitions security.
Still, it was another arms case. It’d been a long time since they’d had one; not since...
Taki focused his attention involuntarily to Goh’s side. He couldn’t see the scar in the darkness or with the position the other man was lying in, but he knew it was there. Guilt washed over him and he found himself reaching his arm out to touch his lover’s back.
His mistake. A mistake that almost cost him the life of the only person he had ever loved, and would have taken it long before he was even ready to express that love to the other man. Just a fraction further over and he wouldn’t be lying on this bed right now watching his lover sleep. The thought of it threatened tears in Taki’s eyes.
His fingers had just barely brushed Goh’s lower back when the other man shifted suddenly. Taki took a breath in and his heart nearly stopped when he heard Goh’s voice call his name.
It took him a moment to realize that the voice which spoke was far too disjointed to be addressing him. Sure enough the other man breathed out loudly and settled again. Taki sighed as well and withdrew his arm finally, having kept it still with some ridiculous notion that its movement would catch the other’s attention, exposing his embarrassment at being found not only watching his lover in the dark, but touching him as well.
Of course, no sooner had he let his focus wander away than the other man turned suddenly to lay his arm across Taki’s chest. This was followed by Goh laying his head in the crook of Taki’s arm. He then settled down a second time with a hum that tickled Taki right in the sensitive patch of flesh between his underarm and chest.
Well, this is great. Taki chuckled, looking down at the now still form. Any other person at any other time and he’d have been annoyed at this invasion of his personal space. He’d gently pushed countless women away for daring to touch him in their sleep. Now, though, he tentatively dislodged the arm from under his own head and around Goh’s back to his shoulder, taking care not to wake the other man with the touch.
This seemed to have an effect on the apparently sleeping man because Goh turned his face into Taki’s shoulder, tightening his closed eyes against the skin and his arm around Taki’s waist with another pleased sound. He completed the maneuver by turning yet again and placing a series of heedless, though surprisingly delicate, kisses across Taki’s chest and readjusting his head more completely over him as he laid it back down.
Taki couldn’t contain the laugh that erupted from him, shaking them both. “Even in your sleep,” he mused as he drew his other hand across Goh’s face and into his hair, gripping it perhaps a little tighter than he meant to.
The touch, or maybe the laugh, finally roused Goh with a grumble.
“Taki?” The voice was groggy.
“Oh, you’re finally awake, are you? Or maybe you were faking it all this time,” he whispered back.
Goh picked his head up to face Taki, but his eyes were still clenched shut. He seemed to be trying to process Taki’s words, but failed either because he was too tired, or because he didn’t understand the context.
He finally managed, “How long have you been in bed?”
“Not long.”
“What time is it,” he asked as he turned his head, presumably to look for a clock, or at least to confirm that it was still dark outside.
“Late. Go back to sleep.”
“Mn,” was the incoherent reply. Goh shifted, yawning and pressing closer to Taki.
The yawn must have helped him wake a bit because the next thing out of his mouth was a playful, “When did you get so close?” He emphasized the point by tightening his hold on Taki's waist.
“Around the time you started jumping on me in your sleep.” Taki remained still, but kept his eyes focused on Goh’s reactions.
Goh smiled, seeming very pleased with himself. But a moment later there was a hesitation. Taki could almost see the thoughts as the other man processed his knowledge that Taki didn’t like to be touched in his sleep, but he hadn’t pushed him away either and his arms were even around him now.
Goh looked at Taki more seriously, not saying anything but asking with his eyes if this proximity was really okay.
Taki sighed internally. He hadn’t wanted to create this kind of unsurety in his lover. Part of him, a guilty part, was relieved of the constant barrage of aggressive affection and attention, but another part of him was disquieted at this uncharacteristic display from Goh. Where was the brash, self-assured and totally impulsive man he fell in love with? He felt displaced, particularly as it forced him to make the next move, and being that he had no idea how to respond to this new passiveness, he couldn’t. Instead, they lay there looking at one another in silence.
More awkward silence, like there were words that were supposed to be exchanged right now, but no air on which they could travel. Two drowning souls with nothing between them but their need for one another, pressing against each other as a lifeline.
Goh’s breathing seemed loud, too loud, as if it was drawing more and more ragged as each second ticked by without a response from the other. A building of tension that seemed ready to burst and it caused something in Taki to start. He suddenly became too aware of the feel of Goh’s back under the arm that he realized now was still wrapped around him. A tremor wracked his body and was felt keenly by them both. Goh seemed to look for the reason behind it and Taki found himself looking for it as well. Still, neither spoke, neither moved and neither looked away from the other.
Taki swallowed hard; fearful and expectant and it seemed too much for the other man as he dragged himself forward finally, pushing his face into Taki’s in the darkness, finding his lips and pressing against them. His mouth opened, dragging Taki’s open with it and the passion ignited between them like an explosion: uncontrolled and without reservation.
This was something they could do. A way for them to communicate without the mess of words. Goh knowing that Taki was too uncomfortable with his feelings to express them openly and Taki knowing that Goh was too proud to admit he was scared and needed the assurance that he would not be abandoned; not again. Not ever again.
It was strange. An entire argument begun, fought and ended without words. A rush of emotions from both of them over something that really amounted to nothing more than a touch in the dark between sleeping lovers.
Goh’s weight was fully on Taki now, the restraint brought about by his insecurities abandoned in the face of his desire. Touch that he very consciously denied himself for the better part of the day.
Well, not precisely. He’d stolen a few moments as Taki stood over the stove making dinner tonight. The curry smell had attracted his attention from the case files he was looking over by himself in the living room. He went to investigate what dish Taki was cooking up and couldn’t help himself from wrapping his arms around the other in the too-small kitchen in their apartment. He’d considered for a moment the fact that they hadn’t made love there yet. The room was cramped, having just enough space for two or three bodies to move around as long as they didn’t try opening any cabinets or the refrigerator door. The perfect amount of space, however, to push another man up against a solid surface and have a round or two with; hot and cozy. He’d had to close his eyes against the impulse to do just that.
Taki’d been patient about it, not grumbling or pushing away, but not moving his hands from his task to respond either. Goh’d taken the hint that if he pushed any farther there would be an argument, and he didn’t want that tonight. He wanted to give Taki his space, so he moved away and opened the fridge to get them a couple beers. He’d then opened a cabinet to get dishes as the food looked about ready to serve, pushing his desire to the back of his mind for later.
A healthy exertion of self-control, he told himself, only now it was erupting like the pressure of a shaken can of soda, finally opened. He hoped, however, that this eruption wouldn’t travel all the way down his body just yet. He needed to assert control right now. Not of himself like he had today, but of Taki.
He also hoped that Taki would allow this, and was relieved when he didn’t struggle against it, like he was being swept away with the surging tide of Goh’s need. Instead, Taki tightened his grip on Goh’s shoulder and brought his other hand around the waist that was now pressing harder against his body, his mind racing.
Goh’d said that when he touches Taki it makes him want to have him. Taki’d shrugged it off this morning as more of his sense of humor, but now he knew what he meant. This proximity was too much, yet he couldn’t get enough. He needed more. He realized now that touch was something too intimate for him. He’d needed someone to love in order to justify allowing them this close to him. He needed to trust them like he trusted Goh now. Trust them not to hurt him, lie to him or any number of other terrible betrayals one could enact on another.
Perhaps this was one of the underlying reasons for his reluctance to allow people close most of his life. He’d been a pretty sensitive child, he reminded himself, having long since rejected such a notion as emotional weakness in himself (with varying success). Mizuki’s arms had always comforted him. Until that night that changed his life and set him down the path that eventually led to Goh, of course. But was it really then that Taki had started to push people away? Was it right of him to blame Mizuki for all of the dysfunction in his life? He’d trusted Mizuki and not in the same way he trusted Katsuro. He never let Katsuro get close to him like that. Sure, part of that reason was the fact that Katsuro sometimes hit him, but even then he never felt afraid for his life from the man. There was something unique in his connection to Mizuki back then. A trust that ran deeper than the knowledge that he was safe, that he wouldn’t be harmed or put in danger. Of course, now he knew that trust was completely false, but back then it was a truth.
And perhaps it was unfair of Mizuki to put a sixteen year old boy, with no experience living in the real world, in a position like that. To be forced into a situation in which everything that he thought he had known about his life had just been shattered, forced to take an action that was not of his own will, and then subjected to yet another one.
Did that mean then that Mizuki’s betrayal, twice that night, had been as lasting a pain as it was because of some form of love he had been denying was even possible? That his ultimate rejection was based more on the irreparable shattering of the trust that lay between them over what had happened earlier than in the idea that he was disgusted by the thought of being with another man? Well, now of course, he knew that he really didn’t find it disgusting at all. Not when he trusted someone and loved them as much as he did his partner. But would things have really gone differently if he hadn’t been forced to kill that night and Mizuki had still made a move on him? He’d told Mizuki that the love he had for him had been the love of family and he hadn’t lied, so did it mean that his love could have or would have changed that night under different conditions? Was it mere coincidence or circumstance that decided things like love?
Is that how it happened with Goh, too? The right event, like getting shot or his former partner showing up keying just the right realization at just the right pivotal emotional moment to allow him to recognize that feeling and accept it. Another situation a little later forcing him to finally act desperately, like Goh was acting now.
Goh’s arms had snaked their way around Taki, crushing whatever had been left of the space between them. Bare chest against bare chest in an embrace that refused to end. Their kiss had gone on for a very long time and both were nearly breathless, but completely unwilling to disconnect themselves from one another, even for a moment.
Goh breathed, “Taki,” against the other's lips; the want in the word explicit.
Taki could only moan in response, finally taking a small form of initiative and pushing at the boxers Goh had decided to wear to bed tonight. Really, he’d gone all out to try and make Taki feel more comfortable today, even putting on clothes to sleep in. It was a nice gesture, but right now they were in the way, and the fact that neither man was willing to let go of the other was making it difficult to remove the barrier. Taki, of course, was also wearing shorts, but he always did to bed, he defended to himself in the haze of their embrace. Now they had to struggle with not one, but two articles of clothing to get to each other.
Goh seemed unhampered by it though, as he deftly reached both of the arms that were behind Taki down and lifted himself up very slightly at the waist to allow him to tug the shorts down. Really, Goh was way better at this than Taki could ever remember himself being with women. Taki helped as he could, lifting and angling his legs apart, heels digging into the bed as the garment slid down.
Goh then did the same for himself, pressing heavily against Taki’s chest in place of having his arms around the other. Once both items were around their ankles they returned their arms to one another as they kicked free of the physical barriers at last.
Partners knew how to use teamwork to their advantage, Taki reflected humorously.
Goh wasn’t wasting any time thinking, though, and his fingers were already raking down Taki’s back to his ass, grabbing it forcefully; their mouths never parting for a moment. Taki gasped, drawing in more of Goh’s breath than fresh air, but feeling so much better. He arched up and into Goh at the touch, adding to the intensity of their now naked bodies pressing together.
They were foregoing foreplay tonight it seemed. The gentle touches and ministration of this morning, however rushed and desperate those had been, were abandoned completely now.
Lube, Taki thought absently as Goh’s fingers moved inward. They needed something to use for--
But Goh was ahead of him again, dislodging one of his hands and bringing it to their mouths, intent on slicking his fingers with his own saliva, but finding Taki just as anxious. No, breaking away to look for the bottle was too much time spent apart. They needed to stay together; not to separate for anything, not even for a second.
The hand returned lower and Taki felt the first penetration, wondering what took this so long, why he’d hesitated, having completely forgotten all of the discomfort and soreness from this morning. Forgetting everything that had happened before he had embraced and been embraced by this man; nothing else existed.
Goh’s naked body was against his and it was rubbing with each motion of his arm and it felt so good. Pressing back was almost unbearable and all he could do not to break apart inside and out.
Goh worked quickly, helped along by Taki’s utter willingness. The fingers withdrew, only allowing Taki a moment to think about and wonder how he missed the second one entering before they were replaced with the head of Goh’s erection against his opening.
But now occurred the first hesitation since they’d begun this embrace. Goh pulled away at last, looking down at Taki with desperate eyes.
Taki’s eyes parroted back that desperation.
God, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.
The moment passed and Goh pushed forward, eyes clenched shut and bringing his lips down again in another consuming kiss as he entered Taki finally.
The kiss didn’t last nearly as long this time; other parts connecting them inside in place of tongues. Now that they were joined, now that Goh was inside of him more completely they could relax, edge away from that fear and desperation.
They took the opportunity to breathe heavily against one another. Panting and moaning with each shallow thrust Goh was making, working his way slowly, not pausing until he was fully inside.
The pause was brief. Briefer than the earlier hesitation, and with none of its desperation. Goh used the moment to shift again, placing his arms low on the bed astride Taki’s hips and pulling his face away from the other man.
He needed the leverage. Unlike the majority of his earlier lovers, he and Taki were almost the same height. This meant that in order to make love in this position as effectively as possible, he needed to move away, lower. Their faces wouldn't be level tonight.
Their first time had been different, Goh directing a lot more of his focus to trying not to hurt Taki than pleasuring himself. Since then Taki had become more used to their lovemaking and right now, he was positive, wanting and needing this as fast and as hard as he did.
When he moved again, though, it was to slowly pull out, until the head of his sex was just inside the other. Then he grit his teeth and pushed forward again, hard. Fully in in one stroke and Taki cried out. He didn’t stop to consider if it was in pleasure or pain before he withdrew again to repeat the motion.
Taki grabbed at him, digging nails into Goh’s shoulder. Goh, his own back arched out, laid his head against Taki’s chest and it dragged forward on each inward stroke, sweat slicking its path as they built a rhythm.
Soon Goh’d had to grab onto Taki’s hips, the force and speed of his thrusts too great and needing an anchor. Taki’s fingers were twined in Goh’s hair. He couldn’t stop himself from whimpering and panting against the force of his lover’s movements. The pressure was building and building and neither man knew if he could hold out much longer.
Taki reached down and grabbed himself finally. He needed to increase his own gratification and was unwilling to allow Goh to adjust his position at all to do it. He touched himself desperately and found he became even more aroused when he noticed Goh watching him do it. One hand in the other's hair holding his attention, and the other on himself.
This was intense. It was amazing and Goh wondered why it felt so different from usual. Much of it was the same imperative from this morning, so why? Was it the force of his thrusts or the position they were lying in? He continued to wonder as he pounded harder and faster, approaching his climax. Wondered until he realized what they’d forgotten. What was sitting on the nightstand next to them, still lying in its wrapper.
Shit. Taki didn’t like it when they--
But it was too late. Goh reached his limit, Taki joining him with a series of wracking shudders, and he came violently, a cry escaping him as he bore in deeper. His release quaked through him and into Taki without barriers.
“Taki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he gasped out as he tried not to collapse onto the other man.
“What,” Taki started to ask until realization hit him at what Goh seemed so concerned about. He felt the wetness inside, hot and looking for an opportunity to release already.
Goh’s voice sounded desperate suddenly. “I know you don’t like it when we--”
“It’s okay,” Taki breathed quickly, pulling the other man closer. Really, it was. It didn’t bother him nearly as much as Goh seemed to think. Most of his problem was with the mess; not exactly with the mess itself (actually, he'd guiltily admit to himself, he liked the mess, quite a bit), but the inconvenience of clean-up, particularly at times and in places where this was hampered (like in public). There were, of course, concerns about the numbers of partners they'd both obviously been with since either man had last been checked out, but they’d talk about it later.
Right now was far too good to get ruined with worry, and really, if they weren’t clean he didn’t care. If Goh gave him something they’d have it together. Live together, die together. Taki sighed at his irrational logic. He really shouldn’t think such irresponsible things.
Goh seemed to be coming to the same conclusions himself and they reached for each other in one last passionate kiss and hard embrace before finally, finally, collapsing to catch their breaths.
It was several minutes before anything happened again. The kiss and the embrace now a memory in the ache of muscles and the cold aftereffect of sweat.
“Feel better now,” Taki asked when they had finally separated enough to look each other in the eye again.
“Mn.” Taki took the noise to be an affirmation.
He brought his hand up to run through the hair on the side of Goh’s head. “Then go to sleep.”
There was silence for a moment, but it wasn’t to last.
“Hey, Taki?”
“Hm?”
“What do women talk about in bed?”
“How do you manage to come up with the most random things to ask about?”
“Is it really so random?” Goh propped his head up to rest his chin on Taki’s chest, looking at him intently.
“In the context of what we were just doing?” Taki looked back lazily, sleep finally trying to take hold of him.
“I was just wondering. You don’t seem very good at this. I thought you would be, with all that practice.”
“Talking to women?” Taki smiled.
“Yeah. Don’t they want to talk in bed?” Goh rested his elbow on the mattress and raised his head to lean against his open palm.
“I guess. What’s your point?”
“I wanted to know what they talk about.” He raised his other arm up to rub gently against the skin in a spot on Taki’s chest.
“Why?” Taki yawned. Why was Goh trying to keep him awake?
“Curious,” Goh said as he dipped down to kiss the same spot.
Taki grabbed the back of his head, threading his fingers through the other’s hair again. This was mostly to serve as a warning about where things like that lead, but Goh didn’t seem particularly interested in pushing any issue and stopped after the one kiss. Instead he looked back up at the other, waiting for his answer.
Taki sighed, resigning himself to this conversation. “Lots of things, I guess. I don’t know. I was never a very good listener. Usually, I was trying to think of a way to get them to go away.”
“That’s awful.” Goh did his best imitation of disgusted, but it came off as more an amused, “That’s so like you,” than anything else.
Taki smiled back, knowingly. “Oh, and you never did that with men?”
“Hey, I’m a romantic guy.”
“Yeah, you are,” Taki responded, using the arm that had fallen to the other’s shoulder to pull him in for a kiss. He broke the moment, however, by adding, “But I bet you only listened to them so you could do them a few more times.”
“You’re so mean, Taki,” Goh whined.
They grinned at each other. A silence stretched out again, but it didn’t hold any of the tension of earlier.
Goh leaned down one more time to kiss Taki, his features softening. Before he pulled away he whispered, “Thank you.”
“For what?” Taki looked quizzical, but Goh had already laid his head back down.
“Tonight,” was the finally sleepy response.
Taki started to let himself be taken by that same feeling. “Well then, thank you.”
“For what?”
“...This life.”
Goh breathed out. Whatever was left of his tension that night went with it. He shifted one last time, settling in where he had been when he’d woken up: an arm around Taki’s waist and his head on Taki’s chest. Taki embraced him as he had earlier in return.
"Is it really okay?"
"Yes."
“I love you, Taki.”
The last word seemed to trail off, reminding Taki of the first time he heard it tonight. Reminding him and making him wonder if the similarities in it between the sleeping Goh, before waking up, and the waking Goh, falling asleep, meant something or not. Was there something else in Goh’s desperation tonight aside from his mistake in not reacting to the man’s insecurities about waking up in his arms? Was Goh hiding something from him like he was?
Taki didn’t really have any time to ponder these new questions too deeply. He slipped into unconsciousness, reminding himself briefly about work tomorrow and the other things he needed to take care of. He didn't know if Goh set the alarm, and he really didn't care. They could sleep in a little.
